This past week was the week I taught a module on conflict resolution to my college students. Each semester, I start the lesson by asking students to write similes about this most delicate and difficult of interactions. I emphasize that a simile is a comparison between two dissimilar things, using like or as.
They are forewarned not to give me the typical "Conflict is like war. Someone's gotta win and someone's gotta lose."
They write quickly; often grunting, sometimes giggling. I notice a grimace here, a wince there. Here are some of the responses I received on Tuesday and Thursday:
* Conflict is like mud wrestling. Everyone involved gets dirty.
* Conflict, in a relationship, is like an inflated balloon. When too much pressure is put on it,
eventually it explodes.
* Conflict is like a wild fire. It breaks out quickly, spreads even faster, and leaves destruction in its wake.
* Conflict is like a thunder storm. Its loud and crazy, but afterwards, everything clears up.
* Conflict, in a relationship is like shaking up a full can of soda and then cracking it open. It
explodes all over.
* Conflict is like good porn. Eventually, everybody gets_____ (rhymes with mucked).
* Conflict is like a grenade. It can either blow up or turn out to be a dud.
* Conflict is like a tornado. It destroys everything in its path.
* Conflict, in a relationship, is like hell. Once you're in it, you can never get out.
* Conflict is like a volcano. It erupts into a catastrophe that no one can halt. And it keeps flowing and flowing.
* Conflict is like a balding tire. Just a little bump can make it explode.
We were struck by the violent images and comparisons to natural catastrophes. Conflict, most agreed, is unpredictable, unmanageable, and destructive.
Next, we write similes for peace. The room becomes very quiet. The students search their inner landscape for a memory, a feeling, a glimmer. A few begin to write.
* Peace is like the ocean. It can be calm and soothing, but can turn choppy very quickly.
* Peace is like the rainbow after the storm. It is temporary but very beautiful.
* Peae is like a dream. It not very realistic.
"Why is this so difficult," someone breaks the silence. "Good question," I whisper and continue to hold the space for quiet reflection.
* Peace is like watching a baby sleep. All is well.
* Peace is like getting a Swedish massage at the spa. You can enjoy yourself in a serene state of
mind.
* Peace is like getting an A in a course in which you really applied yourself. You get out of it what you put into it.
* Peace is like a cold glass of milk: simply wonderful and refreshing.
* Peace is ike a bear hug: warm and inviting.
* Peace is like a comfortable bra. It stays in place, hold you up, and does not give you any problems.
* Peace is like a baby's laugh. It warms your heart and can change any mood into a positive one.
* Peace is like a lake: calm and tranquil.
* Peace is like cookie dough ice cream. Every part of it is blissful.
* Peace is like hearing a child's prayer. Every little problems seems like nothing.
Every semester I tell my students that I can teach them about conflict resolution skills but I cannot jump start their willingness to use the skills. But this week, as I watched them struggle to conjure images of peace, I am asking myself: Is there more that I can do? In a public institution of higher education, can I teach my students how to communicate, to use Santana's words "more in a divine manner."
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